Have you ever found yourself at your desk, sitting in a little pool of light from your desk lamp late at night while your family sleeps, because you just want to make a few more finishing touches to a presentation?
Or not being able to start writing a proposal because you felt your ideas are not good enough?
Maybe making excuses for not going to a meeting because everybody there seem so much more accomplished than you feel you are?
These are all impostor syndrome symptoms.
What is impostor syndrome?
It’s a fear of not being good enough. Of not feeling worthy. And that you will soon be found out!
It can turn up in all sorts of ways. Working too hard. Working too long. Trying to be perfect. Doubting yourself. Worrying about being found out as less capable and smart and deserving. Not daring to go for opportunities. Feeling (sometimes crippling) anxiety.
Negative mental filter
People with impostor syndrome generally attribute their successes to external factors such as luck or help from others. They see their setbacks though as evidence of internal factors eg not being competent enough.
This mental filter leads to feeling like a fraud, and anxiety about being found out.
Impostor syndrome is incredibly usual among high-achieving people
And more so in certain demographics due to gender, race, age, class etc.
Nearly all high-achieving women suffer from impostor syndrome anxiety. This can be generally or at times when they are reaching further. Once you’ve settled into a new area, you will likely work towards something else that stretches you and therefore may trigger that anxiety again.
It’s like when you play a video game; when you’ve mastered a level, you get a loading screen while you level up.
In impostor syndrome, you levelled up while looking away from the screen. You didn’t see the loading screen; all you see are monsters that are scarier than they were when you last looked. (Metaphor: Kowal).
But you DID level up and you have handled hard things before. Therefore you have already proved to yourself that you can do this too, if you allow yourself to look for that evidence.
Human needs and wants
Even though we all have the same human needs, we prioritise these differently. We value some human needs and wants more than others.
For example, some people value variety (new ideas, change) over certainty. Some may need significance (feeling unique and special) more than connection (being part of a group, maybe not stand out so much).
This is a wonderful thing. We need variety to complement and complete each other. Only having one type of people in eg a company will soon make it imbalanced and dysfunctional.
All growth involves doing something new and what’s new is uncertain.
If you are a person who has a strong need for variety, growing and contributing more, you will never reach a level where uncertainty ceases to occur!
(Unless you decide not to stretch yourself any longer.)
If this is you, ask yourself: what is worse for you?
Playing safe and eventually get bored and feeling unfulfilled?
OR
Feeling uncomfortable (maybe even terrified!) to start off with, but learning, developing and contributing more in the long run?
What causes impostor syndrome?
Yes, it’s a way of thinking that hinders you. BUT it’s vital to realise that culture, upbringing, stereotypes, biases have shaped not just your thinking, but all of society’s norms and values.
There is systemic bias and prejudice in our culture.
Many highly capable, strong, resilient women work against stereotypes and sexism instead of getting the amount of confirming feedback that men often get. There are fewer role models and mentors for women. This is a major reason why it’s more usual among women than men. This is obviously true for other groups as well affected by biases.
This means it’s not your fault!
Please stop blaming yourself for why you think this way.
That said, there are ways to take control of your own thinking so you’re not a victim of society’s norms.
You don’t need to suffer from Impostor syndrome as if you’re helpless against it.
In Solution Focused therapy and Hypnotherapy, we work on changing your perceptions, so you realise that you do have options. You can feel strong and confident in your abilities to handle this, and also valuable.
How can impostor syndrome ever be a good thing?!
Having impostor syndrome shows that you have certain values and ethics.
You have impostor syndrome because you care about your team and clients. You want to deliver for them. You want your output to be of high quality. You want to be knowledgeable. You are striving to learn more and become more.
If you didn’t care about your outcomes or the people around you, you wouldn’t feel anxious about it. As an extreme example, a sociopath would never have impostor syndrome!
These values and ethics that also make you feel like an imposter, show that you have empathy and insight; that you’re working towards becoming more knowledgeable and more of yourself, that you want to give more value.
There’s also a bias called the Dunning-Kruger effect:
When we first start learning something and feel we’re getting a grip on the area, some people think they are experts. Some people stay in this lack of self-awareness in ignorant bliss!
As we continue to learn, we realise how vast the area is and how little we know. We may compare ourselves to others who know more in this area. This can lead to a dip in confidence and sometimes impostor syndrome.
This dip in confidence just means that you’re understanding more. You can use this dip as an opportunity to learn more and serve better. This, not surprisingly, leads to you becoming more competent and knowledgeable.
Feeling like an impostor means that you have values that show that you care. This mindset shift can help you move from feeling inferior or like a fraud to realise that you are intelligent and humble enough to know that there is more to learn.
And of course there will always be more to learn. For everyone. Even the most accomplished people you can think of will have more to learn.
That’s why the expert or guru side of the diagram is less confident than the ignorant. Being less confident can be a strength as it allows you to be open to new ideas and learning.
““The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance; it is the illusion of knowledge” ”
The mindset shifts in this first part of the Impostor Syndrome blog can help you change your perceptions of your feelings. And no matter what happens to us, it is our perception of events that will determine how we feel and therefore act.
To recap: we’ve looked at what impostor syndrome can feel like (anxious, like a fraud); some effects (very unhelpful); where it comes from (biases); and why it despite this has benefits!
This may be enough to free you from unrealistic expectations on yourself, but I still want to give you more tools and ideas to try. So in the next part of this Impostor Syndrome blog, I will get deeper into practical steps of how to shift your mind set.
If you’re interested in more information or working with me directly to be the best version of yourself, contact me on lena@tolkienhypnotherapy.com.
Warm wishes
Lena